Why Your Wedding Dance Doesn’t Have to Be Scary (And How to Actually Enjoy It)

You’ve probably spent months planning out your wedding. From the flowers to the menu to the seating chart you’ve thought of everything. About six weeks before the big day, someone asks, "What are you doing for your first dance?" Panic ensues.

Somehow, the wedding dance has become this daunting thing people expect of you. You’ve seen the viral dancing couples all over social media and now you either think standing still swaying for three minutes is boring, or you’re terrified of having all eyes on you with only one foot to work with. But the secret is: no one tells you your first dance does not have to be a Broadway production. It just has to be yours.

What Really Makes Wedding Dances Overwhelming

It’s not the actual dancing, of course. It’s everything else that comes with it.

Think about it. You’re stressed about a million other details of the wedding, and now you’re supposed to learn choreography? Dance in front of everyone you know? Not step on your partner’s foot? It feels more like an exam for which you didn’t study instead of a sweet, romantic moment to share with your partner.

Much of the fear comes with not knowing what people will find normal. Some couples dedicate months to lessons and expertly dance across the floor. Others practice twice in their living room and let it be enough. Yet both are perfectly fine – even if one seems less than acceptable than the other on social media feed scrolls every day.

The reality is much more simplified. Most couples just want to feel comfortable enough to not keep track of the beat in their head the whole time. They want to look at each other, maybe smile, not trip over their feet (if anyone still has feet at that point)! That’s a perfectly viable goal – and an attainable one!

When You Should Start

Where many couples go wrong is when they don’t start thinking about their dances until it’s too late – which has nothing to do with needing months of practice; it has everything to do with needing time to relieve pressure.

If you’ve got three months until your wedding day, practicing a few basic moves here and there feels fun and achievable. If you have three weeks until the wedding, those same moves feel like you’re asking to scale a mountain. The moves have not changed – the only thing that has changed is your increased stress level.

The same can be said for learning a what appropriate song might make sense for you. For example, maybe you think you want a classic song for the first dance, but after a few practices, you realize something a little faster and peppier works better for you. You can’t figure that out in two weeks scrambling at the last minute.

The Style Matters

Now where this gets interesting is how your first dance doesn’t have to be some slow, shuffling-as-you-circle-the-floor thing. There are plenty of dance styles appropriate for weddings – and some are easier than others for you to learn.

Many couples start googling ‘tango lessons near me’ because they see how romantic and passionate it is but then assume it’s too advanced for beginners (or maybe they just don’t feel sexy enough yet). But the truth is a few basic elements in tango can make it feel special without needing months of choreography. You just need an instructor who recognizes you’re learning for one particular song – not that you’re gearing up for dancing competition on The A-List.

The waltz is another good option – it’s traditional and elegant but surprisingly easy with a basic step pattern – while foxtrot works well with upbeat songs and swing dancing works well with songs at that tempo. It’s about matching styles with song choice and comfort level – not shoving a square into a round hole.

What Happens in Wedding Dance Lessons?

If you’ve never taken a dance lesson before, the entire thing may feel awkward. Entering a studio, confessing you’ve never learned before, trying to learn in front of someone else – this is all awkward.

However, dance instructors who work with weddings have seen it all, from people with two left feet trying their best to couples who are all-in on dance while their partner spouse would rather be anywhere else learning something else. There’s no judgment on natural expertise – there’s just priorities on making sure everyone looks good on their wedding day.

Most wedding dance packages are straightforward – you’ll meet for 30-60 minutes, the instructor will give you insight into basics for what you’ve chosen, and they’ll help ensure timing, holds and how not to run into each other works out differently than you’d expected. It’s less formal than class – you basically just have someone patient as your very good friend guiding you along.

How many lessons required are up to you; some couples just want enough hours so they don’t look baffled when awkwardly standing in front of guests, that may mean 3-5 sessions. Others desire a more polished look which might mean 8-10 lessons. There’s no wrong answer!

The Practice Problem

This is where things go wrong – practice! Couples shove practice in like it’s homework they need to check off before they get married. So as soon as they learn something, they stop caring about it. They avoid until the last minute because they don’t find it enjoyable anymore!

Instead, make it part of your life! Dance while you’re cooking dinner, dance while you’ve got some time together, and don’t feel like you need to do it start-to-finish every time! You merely need to get comfortable moving to that song – and maybe learn how it feels in shoes you’ll be wearing on your wedding day (heels feel different from sneakers, trust us!).

Also practice with the same sense of feel you’ll get at your wedding – from the shoes you’ll be wearing to maybe even some clothing replacements (dresses may be restrictive – but this won’t dawn on you until you’re practicing and see yourself on video trying).

Dealing With Performance Anxiety

Even after practicing, most people still get performance anxiety prior to their wedding dance! This is normal, you aren’t trained performers, but now you’re performing.

Realistically what’s helpful to think about is none of your guests are in attendance critiquing your technique by any means, they don’t care if you stumble! They care that they’re watching two people they love celebrate their nuptials! Even if you mess up one step (one thing you’ll probably never see) they’ll still think it’s adorable!

Another comforting realization is that this initial dance, which feels like it’s going on forever, is not the longest thing happening at your wedding! Most songs last 3-4 minutes – max! You can do anything for four minutes!

Some couples even invite the whole crowd onto the dance floor after half their song – this way it feels less like a performance as the focus is off them! There’s no rule stating you must dance alone the entire time!

How to Make It Enjoyable

Remember, this is supposed to be an enjoyable moment, one of few times you’ll actually get to be with your spouse without worrying about greeting guests or taking photos or coordinating vendors!

The couples who genuinely enjoy their weddings are those who remove this dance from their minds as a test they need to ace, they choose a song that’s important to them; learn enough steps that work for them; give each other grace by looking at each other instead of staring at everyone judging them in silence!

This sounds easy, it sounds overly simplified, but it’s not when you’re stressed running around and getting pulled in every direction by stressors and must-have moments outside of the couple bubble!

What matters is whether you enjoyed the moment together – not what steps impressed people most. The steps people remember are whether or not you looked happy – and whether or not you looked connected – and either one can be achieved through basic steps or painstakingly choreographed ones without grace made along the way!

The Takeaway

Don’t fear failing if your wedding dance isn’t perfect – it should represent who you and your partner are as people, whether that’s traditional and romantic; fun-loving and upbeat; or somewhere in between! Start early, schedule lessons sooner than later, a good instructor will help within hours and practice often so you feel comfortable!

Give yourself grace to enjoy it when it happens, because guess what? Your loved ones aren’t expecting grand performances, they’re genuinely happy you’re happy!

And if you happen to mess up a step? Laugh. Twenty years down the line that might be your favorite part of the memory!